Carl Marsalis
 
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Dad Jokes Of The Day

Humor is a big part of our family.  We have always enjoyed making jokes, bad puns, silly comments, etc.  We have used humor in every situation as long as I can remember.  Dad displayed his humor throughout this entire journey.  He kept us, his friends, the doctors and nurses, and everyone else that came in contact with him laughing.  He always had a comment, remark or joke to make the whole time.  Some are corny, some are great and some I can't share!  He knew I was adding his jokes to the email updates I sent out.  At times, he would make a joke and then tell me it would be a good one for the joke of the day.  Other times, it wasn't one to share with mixed company or some of the younger folks.  Dad would laugh and tell me "Well, you can't use that one."  Our sense of humor is something else he and I shared and it certainly helped all of us through this journey.


We kidded around with Dad before surgery that we were putting a chip in his head to make him like cats, the color pink,  etc. The first thing he said after waking up from surgery was "I still don't like cats."

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Dad wanted to know where Mom where was at.  Carla told him Mom was on the phone and he said "surprise, surprise". 

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After telling the nurse some of the jobs he has had, Dad mentioned that he did the food service for prisons.  The nurse said prison nutrition sounds interesting.  Dad:  "It was little confining."

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One of the nurses Pam came by to see how Dad was doing.  Pam was his nurse the first two days in ICU.  She also called to check  on Dad on her days off.  Mom mentioned to Dad how Pam and all of the nurses liked him.  Dads response:  "What's not to like!"

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Dad still had some political humor in him.  His left side is still pretty weak.  He was leaning in the chair to his left side.  Dad said he didn't want to lean to the left.  He has no problem leaning to the right, just not the left.

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After the nurse removed the catheter, Dad said "If you weren't already married, I'd propose."  He starting referring to her as his fiancé.  (Dad suggested I use this as the Dad joke of the day in the email.  He was very aware of what was going on and what I had been doing in including his jokes in the email updates.)

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One of the doctors that came by was named Dr. Paraska.  He said since his last name is a little difficult, people call him Dr. P.  Dad said with a name like Dr. P., you ought to be a urologist.

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Each different physical therapist tells him to stand up tall.  Dad:  "I am standing up tall.  I'm only 5-6.

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Each time a nurse comes in to do an IV or remove an IV with the tape, they comment on how hairy dad is.  Dad:  "I can grow hair everywhere except the top of my head."

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The nurse said she needed to go check on the little man next door.  Dad:  "So when you're in his room am I the big fat man next door?

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My whole life everyone has said, "Wow, you look just like your dad.", including the doctors and nurses, they get the same response.  Dad:  "Isn't he a lucky guy?  Good looking just like me."

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One day Dad was not too energetic.  He seemed to be out of it quite a bit.  Mom got him down the hall of the house in his wheelchair.  On the way back to the room, Mom thought he was asleep.  As they passed a mirror in the hallway, Dad looked up at his reflection and said "Hey good looking" and went back to sleep.

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When Dad went to MD Anderson, they gave him a book about brain tumors.  Dad referred to it as "Brain Tumors For Dummies".

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Dad got a staff infection at the beginning of all of this and it caused his surgery to be postponed by a week.  Turned out to be a blessing in disguise because it got him a private room paid for by insurance because of the staff infection.  Ross cut on the arm cleaned the infection out and everything and took care of it.  It left a rather large, deep hole in Dad's wrist.  Dad:  "I need this like I need a hole in my head.  Oh wait, I'm have one of those too!"

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Dad reporting on his first treatments:  I had my first Radiation and Chemo treatments.  It was painless and so far no side affects other than I now have four ears and two noses.

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Dad reporting on his second treatments:  I had my second round of Radiation and Chemo treatments yesterday.  The only side affect so far is I lost one hair from my head.  Now, I know one hair does not sound like a lot but with the few hairs I have, it is lot to me.

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Dad read a book about prehistoric lice that was about two feet long.  He head itches from the treatments and he now thinks he has lice and wants us to check his hair!

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Sally went with Mom and Dad to treatments.  Sally drove one day.  Dad went on and on about her driving and how fast she was going and everything.  Dad:  "On the curves, she threw me around in the back of the van so much she shook my tumor loose!"

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One decision we talked about was what to do with the radiation mask now that the Hannibal Lechter phase of Dad's life is over.  It's a good size hunk of plastic.  Some patients have a mask burning party.  Sally thinks they should make a planter out of it and have ivy growing all over it.  Mom wants to sink it in the lake so the fish can live in it.  Dad thinks that might be good since all of the radiation may result in bigger fish.  Personally, I want to sell it on ebay because you can literally sell anything on ebay and who wouldn't want to buy a piece of Dad???  :-)

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At one point they upped his steroids to extremely high amounts so he expected to turn into the Hulk at any moment.

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Dad said he now knew the difference between regular nurses and rehab nurses.  It's about 200lbs. 

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WARNING BAD PUN AHEAD:  Dad said his back and knee hurt and the hospital workers did it and he was going to sue.  Mom said you can't sue.  Dad said he
can sue.  They went back and forth.  Mom said it is not a "suable" situation.  Dad said it is suable.  Mom said it's not suable.  Dad "If it's not suable
then it must be mohawkable."  Now this one may take some time to sink in.  "Suable" as in Sioux Indian. "Mohawkable" as in Mohawk Indian.  I warned you it
was really bad!

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They asked Dad to test the walkie talkie so they could check on him in Florida.  They asked him to say "test, test, test" in the walkie
talkie.  Dad "exam, exam, exam".

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Mom and Cheryl didn't always get Dad's jokes.  I would have to explain them.  Dad tells them that even with half a fried brain he is still quicker than they are.

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I was after Dad about working his left arm and hand and showing me how he could lift it.  Finally, he got this real low, quiet voice and
whispered for me to come closer.  He picked up his left arm with his right and started acting like he was going to hit me with it.

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The nurse came in and said "I'm Janice, I'll be your nurse today."
Dad said, "Hi I'm Carl.  I'll be your patient today."

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I told Dad he would see Sally soon and as always he said "Is that a promise or a threat?"

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My mom's sister Verlie, her sister Susan and her cousin Theresa were there visiting.  Apparently they had been visiting and talking a bunch.  Verlie told Dad that
she was going to Walmart and asked if he needed anything.  Dad "Yeah.  A muzzle for you, you, you and you."

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Susan cooked some food and brought it with her.  Mom told Dad that Susan brought some food for him.  Dad "I can't eat Susan's cooking, it'll make me sick!"

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Dad appeared to be asleep.  The nurse came in and said that he looks like her dad.  Dad:  “He must be one good looking son of a gun.”

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After a round of several Dad jokes, I told him he needed to lighten up some and cut back on being so serious.  Dad:  "I have lightened up.  I lost 2 and half
pounds."

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We were talking about the weather and everything.  Dad said he was ready for October and figures it might be cold or frozen outside.  Dad "If it's frozen, we'll catch us some frozen fish.  We'll catch some Mrs. Paul's."

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The nurse went to take his temperature and he told her to make sure you put that thermometer in the right place.

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Dad was giving the nurse a hard time one night and the nurse kidding around said she guesses she would just finish up and be done with him then for the night.
Dad "You will soon realize that I am irresistible." 

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Dad was obsessed about money with his psychosis and thought that he and Mom were broke.  He told Mom that he just didn't know how they were going to pay for everything.  Mom asked him how much did he think they needed.  Dad said they needed 1 million dollars.  Mom said she got the million it's no problem.  Dad asked her where did she get a million dollars from.  Mom:  "I got it from Cary."  ............ Dad laughed himself to sleep. 

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Dad kept telling Mom this hurts and that hurts and on and on.  Mom said let's start with you pointing out something that doesn't hurt and go from there.  Dad:  "Come here.  Look closer.  Look in my left nostril.  There is a hair in there that doesn't hurt at all!"

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Dad:  "If I don't make it through this, it's not my problem!"

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Dad asked Mom is Jesus did tee times and if He would have one set up for him.  Mom asked him who he would like to play golf with.  She said you have always wanted to play golf with Tiger Woods and asked if he wanted to play with Tiger.  Dad "No.  I'd rather play with Jesus.  I can't beat Tiger."

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We were testing him to see if he recognized people while he was in ICU.  My wife Sally came in and he was asked if he knew who she was.  Dad:  “She likes me, she really, really likes me.” (ala Sally Field's Oscar speech)

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Another joke that Mom and Cheryl didn't get and got them worrying about his mental state until I explained it to them.  While in ICU Dad said "I want Coke.  Liquid not the powered kind.” 

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Dad:  "I don’t like it when people kiss you on the head.  It means you’re really sick!"

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Sally’s has really cold hands.  Dad:  "Check her blood pressure.  I don't think she has any.  Her hands are cold.  Cadaver hands".  Nurse says cold hands warm heart.  Dad “warm heart, gentle heart but cadaver hands.”

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In ICU, I was getting on him about resting and staying in bed.  Dad:  "Dr. Marsalis where did you get your degree from?"

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Cheryl was having some trouble with math.  Dad:  "I can still add better than Cheryl with half a brain!"

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Dad asked what I was doing and I told him taking out the trash.  Dad "Well, that's a job befitting of you!"

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Dad referred to me as his "number 1 son".  I'm the only son but I still liked the title.  I wouldn't break him out of ICU so he demoted me to daughter number 3.

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During one of his confused states, Dad asked me if he was pregnant.  I said no.  He asked if I was sure and I said that if he was pregnant we'd be billionaires.  He asked if I was really sure.  I said "If you were pregnant, I would be telling you to push."  He laughed a whole bunch and said I'm a funny man like him.

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Dad asked my sister Cheryl what time it was.  Cheryl messed it up and gave him the wrong time by an hour.  We told Dad that Cheryl messed up the time.  Dad "What do you expect.  She's a blonde!"

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He was having a very clear moment several days before he passed and almost seemed to be saying goodbye.  We were hovering over his bed waiting for every word.  He looked up at each one of us for a moment.  Dad "Now I know what a bunch of vultures looks like."

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He was having trouble speaking at times.  We were trying to understand what he wanted for breakfast and it was difficult.  We finally got it right.  Dad "Well that took a long time but we finally got there!"

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One day during his confusion, Dad has convinced himself that he and my mom were having marital problems.  He asked Ross to fix.  Ross said "It's okay Carl.  Your marriage is fixed."  They got to talking some more about Jesus and Mom mentioned that the Ross fixed their marriage and that Ross was kind of like Jesus.  Dad "That's a bit of a stretch."

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We had a really hard time hearing him at times.  My brother-in-law Ross told him that we don't know what you are saying, slow down and say one word at a time real slow.  Dad very slowly "One-word-at-a-time."